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CHOOSE... ARGH!

Updated: Sep 24, 2022

Did a ‘finish at 1:30am’ shift. Back at computer after exhausting sleep (a BIG SHOW story) at 7:45am. I am getting a boost in publicly viewable productivity seeing what this WIX site can do. I've been here before in 2018. I get inspired by being able to design fast.


Early this morning I looked at what I can use of what I have done before on WIX. I copy stuff in, it takes a while to go across so I do it again, two versions suddenly show, my footer gets corrupted, I can't get at the code. Argh... I find I can go back in versions and at 1:25am delete one and a half hours work. This is - a part of - my life.


This morning I look at the redesign and some of it doesn't work on iPad IOS. Hmmm...


SO MUCH WORK? OVERWHELMING... HOW TO DEAL WITH THAT?


I look at what I've done before on Wix to see what I can use? I find template guides I can adopt. As I see the technical solution the design solution occurs. How to simplify, create the pipes to let the oil flow.


How to stop designing and be practising, producing and sharing?

I review the work, a screenshot of the sites I've created is here. It's thousands of hours of work. Some of it is repetitious, it's processing, as is this site. The front page here keeps 'incrementally' changing. 'We are storytellers‘ in the 'About Welcome' said hello yesterday. Christiane would tell you she said that years ago. She says that a lot. A big statement.


What is the core of what I am about? Storyteller…



Loads of the pages within have eloquent writing, super graphics and work. So why not just use those? I know, I know.. I just get on and make new... Why? Stop it.


IMPORTANT QUESTION...


What am I afraid of?... That is the gist of this design circle I think. How can I break the circle and get to be focused on production? What is that focus?


The focus… Everything! Why?

STEVE JOBS - APPLE and PIXAR


I read Steve Jobs (the late Co-Founder and CEO of Apple Computer) had a conference each year where teams had to promote their ideas and compete for corporate resources to make them happen. I think the same happened at Pixar under John Lassiter. I read of Tim Cook at Apple saying they could do many things, the challenge was to decide which one to do?


You have a competitive environment, you have a deadline and you have accountability to your peers in this setup. Brilliant. … I have none of that...


So the philosophical evaluation can continue, why, because then you don’t have to face the possibility of failure. The dream never tested never dies.


And I work hard, long hours, go to work out as a part of my identity and you see nothing of what I create - and I die quietly. A likely scenario if things don’t change.


PATHETIC


MAN UP - the little boy inside the man wants to be helped... No one cares.

TEAM? ACCOUNTABILITY?


Jesus sent his disciples out in twos for a reason, a rope of three strands is not easily broken. And I work alone. I get in my head all the time. I am creating all the time, evaluating redoing and writing songs and lyrics and designing brands and inventing... All the time! Then I forget what I've done because I'm on the next thing.


Yesterday I mused on how quick I am at improvising and in communicating (I'm trained at it) and I'm really good at it. A writer called Barbara Cartland used to lie on her chaise longue apparently and dictate her books to her secretaries. That would work for me. Chaise longue AND secretaries. It's the re- writing, editing and the slow pedantic methodology of publication ISBN numbers that kills me.

And something stops me from just free forming. Sometimes I do it to create songs and melodies and it's easy... Why can't I go with what I do easily? Like writing you... Come on Slater break this cycle. Oh wait, I do it almost every day writing lyrics, songs, riffs, creating new designs… Learning, studying. This is my life. I am privileged to have the time even though it pays nothing and the money will be gone if fruit does appear and find purchasers to put food on the table soon.

THAT’S NEARLY THERE

Christiane has often looked at work I do and said "That's nearly there.' So I file it and move on. The angst of pedanticality, the having to slow down and do the admin I can do. But, it is torture. I can change my head to be admin and business and/but it's exhausting. Then I forget what I've done and re-write it from a slightly different perspective. Hamster wheel image anyone?


POSTURE & AGE!


Gym starts - high intensity bootcamp in 25 minutes. Rachael will try to kill me. Christiane showed me a snap yesterday, my posture was awful - need to change it. Not fat but looked it! Need to stand up straight boy, that’s all. Maybe adding pilates will help? I shall try.


So in the battle of the mind and the running out of time and if there was just one thing I could do whilst supporting my family what would it be? For me? Choose…


THE BIG SHOW





15 minutes to get changed and get to gym class...


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