FEAR OF SUCCESS

This may be the start of a series of thoughts on this subject. It's navel gazing and therapy combined I think. Ignore and move on if you can just do stuff. This would be a nightmare for you.

My story has been, I can't complete. but that's innaccurate. I complete lots of things. But are they the right things against THE PLAN. What's THE PLAN, THE GOALS, THE DEADLINES. I manage so that I don't have these as I have missed so many high goals set in the past by me for me. So I got bored of setting goals I would not achieve. I also hated the accountability and fought against it... With myself! Nuts, and that's how it is.

So I think this is not about 'me' learning to be getting things done. More than that it's about getting THE RIGHT THINGS done.

Often those things that I don't want to do have a challenge attached I want to avoid. So I make excuses, consciously and subconsciously. Also, whilst I say I want to be on the stage performing there is no one to help make that possible, work with to make it reality and... It's not scary, it's just I allow everything to get in the way of CREATING THE ACT as a finished product.

JUST DO IT

Some friends have given up on me ever releasing anything of the work I develop. People have died along this journey and never heard stuff I make. It is never quite good enough.

ON THE MUSIC SIDE OF THINGS

I have a block on committing to completing - I just nearly finish... then create more... As I write I realise that the 'pain' to come is that it exposes me to critique and -

Until I am sure my work is as good as I can make it. I don't want to share.

And I want it to compete at top level. Which for me, is a lot of work.

My fallbacks are: (1) good is not good enough in the music business and (2) you get one chance to make a first impresion and (3) it takes a lifetime of work to be an overnight sensation.

In the meantime people are out there doing it half right, learning and getting better and sometimes - even half right is better than silence! Energy makes a difference E=MC²

GETTING STUFF DONE

I made this montage of logos for this website (WIX is so much easier to design into than Wordpress/Elementor for me). So I got this done. (Well done - pat on the back). Actually I think it's pretty cool.

I have worked for and with these organisations. Layout and design is balanced and.. there is a reminder that I have done something!

And I actually get a lot done, write constantly, but is it the right stuff? Often no...

FEAR OF SUCCESS?

Last night at 12:30am I was practising a song and getting a huge vocal tone that sounded great to me in my sound booth. I have a plug in with a setting Huge Indie Vocal.. It's always called me to use it.

I've spent a long time developing different areas of performance and getting recording knowledge. The door is open to record songs....

But what if they are great? What if they are ignored? What if twenty people say that's nice? How do you/I cope with that unknown?

And the admin. How do I set the pre-release and all that malarkey in place? Which is the best hosting platform (because to move songs afterwards is a nightmare - I read). And should I register with both SOCAN and PRS and what about songs registered in England having a longer copyright than Canada - etc., etc., etc. ... It gets complicated quickly and it can also be very simple.

To release music in a competitive stance takes organisation as far as I can see. And I want someone to do all that for me. But, once I have the pipes in place I can replicate it. And if I had to decide the answers to the above by tomorrow afternoon I'd sort it from what I know.

So why don't I just get on then?

PROVERBS 29:25 'The fear of others lays a snare, but one who trusts in the Lord is secure'.

OK so there's a moment. A bible verse comes and says hello...

Maybe faith, and bothering to learn more about it, is my way out of my circular nightmare of not completing?

Maybe, just maybe, that's the key for me...

COMPETENCE and CHARACTER

Competence - being more than good enough. Ha - is that it? Character and Competence - as a Self Development guru Stephen Covey always said.

My character needs to be strengthened to deal with whatever comes at me, yay or nay. To be able to stay the same whatever.

EGO

I've been afraid of getting arrogant if I'm successful. I felt it in me once at a business meeting, in my manner, with a friend sat behind me. And I didn't like it. Managing ego is a deal. Particularly when you are a public figure. "Oh look there's Nicky Slater". I used to hear but it was great in many ways.

I stood at the traffic lights in Ipswich and a guy came and stood beside me. We waited for the cross sign to light and traffic to stop. Without turning to me he suddenly said something like, "My misses didn't agree with your marks on Saturday for that girl." It was so funny. I said to him without looking his way. "Send your wife my love and tell her it's a difficult one because that girl looks great but she's carried around by her partner whilst the guys have to actually skate..." Just great fun.

Way back when I was competing I was walking through a back street in London and a window cleaner was perched high up from his ladder working away on the terraced houses. "Hey Nicky, loved your Charlie Chaplin routine." Came down from above. How crazy is that?

And fame had a fabulous way of breaking down barriers. If you see someone on TV and they come into a room you might just say hello to them, as though you know them. Because you do. They are in your living room. Then you might feel a fool, or just continue talking to them. It can be a wonderful barrier breaker to meeting people.

Of course there can be downsides. I was in Marks and Spencer (a big department store in England). I was looking for some flowers for Christiane. I picked up some flowers and heard a "Not big enough," from alongside me. A lady was doing her shopping next to me and was simply guiding me. I put down the smaller bouquet and got the biggest one there was of roses. "Much better," the validation from my left!

STAYING HUMBLE

My greatest ever moment of ego management came at a Black Tie Dinner in a London swanky venue. It was after the dinner and the speeches and guests mingled. I was facing a lady and her husband. I think she might have had a few alcoholic drinks because she seemed to sway a bit as she talked.

"I know you," she announced confidently. "I know you," she repeated. Well maybe you do I thought with my James Bond smile. For after all I was on the TV and - well I was pretty cool in my black evening wear and... "I know you," she announced again. "You're that, you're that, you're that..." I know I thought, my ego patting me on the back as to how famous I was. "You're that... JOCKEY!" She announced with gusto, delighted with herself that she had managed to recall where she had seen me. If you can imagine a balloon completing deflating with a faint sound being expelled that was me... A super lesson and funny story.

ARROGANCE V CONFIDENCE

And I've worried about being arrogant. And what's the difference between arrogance and confidence? Well let's forget about that for the moment... I just have to remember "You're that Jockey!" And...

James 4:6 'God opposes the proud but shows favour to the humble.'

And we are all made in God's image - so we are all brilliant!

A PIGEON ON YOUR HEAD

And after all, if any of us have a statue made in our image, placed in a prominent pubic space, the pigeon will simply see us as a vantage point and poop on our heads!

Ha I got some great photos from times in London.